


the pain he left behind

by zackpelo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Peter Parker, Survivor Guilt, Wakes & Funerals, how do you tag w/o spoiling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 15:30:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18853891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zackpelo/pseuds/zackpelo
Summary: "Peter would give anything to go back to that day. Try harder. Be better."





	the pain he left behind

Peter slowly undid his blue striped tie and wiped the dried tear lines off of his cheeks. 

It had been a mere three weeks since the ultimate standoff against Thanos. The day that Tony Stark gave his life to save everyone. Peter still couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it constantly; he didn’t know if he ever would be able to stop at this point. 

There was so much left unsaid between them, so many unanswered questions that Peter was left with as a harsh reminder that Tony wasn’t a phone call away anymore, and he never would be again. A deep feeling of anger lurked deep within Peter. Why did he do it? He had left so much behind. A daughter, a wife, an entire life of happiness. As the thoughts ran through his brain, tears began to sting his eyes. He wasn’t ever going to be able to move on like this. He would give anything to go back to that day. Try harder. Be better. 

Peter did blame himself. If you were to ask him why, he couldn’t give a solid answer. But still yet, he lived every moment of every day dealing with the guilt of Tony’s death completely alone, isolated from anyone and anything. The weight of that day was on Peter’s shoulders regardless of if it had been his fault or not. Every day brought a new struggle. Things that Peter wanted to share with Tony, but couldn’t. Sometimes, for a fraction of a second, Peter would forget that he was gone. On the scarce nights he didn’t have heart wrenching nightmares, he would wake up in the morning and forget for just a moment. He always remembered though, and he was always forced to relive those few minutes without fail. We won, Mr. Stark. We won. The words replayed over and over again. The picture of Tony’s eyes giving their final sparkle flashed through his thoughts and made his insides liquefy. 

He thought about the funeral service. It was the longest two hours he had ever endured in his life. The damaged look on Pepper’s face was what shattered him into a million tiny fragments. The way her eyes gravitated towards the ground, glistening with tears of heartbreak. Peter gave a speech and told everyone that Tony wouldn’t want his passing to break anyone. How he would have wanted all of us to make sure he didn’t die in vain. Every word caused Peter physical pain. It was all so hypocritical. He would never be the same without Tony in his life. Nothing would ever go back to normal. It couldn’t. 

Peter found a place where he could be by himself after the service ended. He couldn’t bring himself to stop crying no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he wanted to. 

“He was so proud of you.” Pepper’s sudden words snapped Peter out of his trance. He quickly wiped the tears out of his eyes and looked down at the ground beneath him. 

“I’m so sorry,” was all Peter could manage without losing it all. 

“Tony made his choice. He chose us. You’re right, he wouldn’t want us like this. He expects us to move on. We have to. You know that, Peter.” 

“I know.” 

His glazed eyes cleared up as his bedroom began to form in front of him. The tears in his eyes finally began to travel down his cheeks. He was done with crying. Pepper was right. He was right. He just didn’t want to believe it. 

He turned back and looked at the suit in his closet. It was Tony’s suit, and Peter’s only material reminder of him. He undressed completely and pulled the suit out of his closet. He held it in his hands gently, cherishing it. He put it on with his eyes closed. He reminded himself to breathe before he opened them. He looked out of his small window and pulled it open. It was time to respect Tony’s dying wish. It was time to protect the city. Tony’s city.


End file.
